Box of delights? . . .no, a creche of disaster

The second week, I felt Matilda tense up and then scream as we entered the doors of the baby area.  I had brought her pram in (as requested) so she could sleep in comfortable surroundings and then  I repeated the instructions of no dummy when awake.  I left her howling hoping that it would soon stop and she'd be happily playing as soon as I was out of sight.   The whole lesson I wondered if she was OK but daren't check (if she saw me she probably only start screaming again), besides they said they'd get me if anything was wrong.   

The class was good, if a little basic. We have now been joined by a total chav group, who spent the whole session discussing the local housing association and regaling stories of so-and-so getting stabbed etc.   Nice.  

There are three of us who seem to not be part of that group.   The lesson was therapeutic and I enjoyed having a bit of time to just feel like I was playing again.  

I went to go and pick her up and I felt a combination of such sadness and fury as she was sitting strapped so tightly into her pram, red eyes and tear stains down her face with her dummy in.   I was absolutely livid.  She started crying when she saw me again.   I asked them why she was in her pram, she can crawl and explore now, she is never not moving and I think it is criminal to have a 10 month old strapped and effectively gagged indoors in a stationery pram.  They said she didn't seem to like it on the floor.  Bollocks, any good childcare worker should know that if you distract an unhappy child with a toy they will soon be entertained, it just takes some effort.  

I soon had one of the ladies hollering across the room 

"Matilda's Mum, Matilda's Mum"  

she then said "don't you leave her with strangers? It may be a good idea if you left her more often, or perhaps consider putting her into a nursery"   

"What?  Like your fucking one? This shit one here?" I wanted to reply.  

Instead I told them that she did go to nursery, 3 days a week for the last 4 months and she is very happy there, practically runs in.  Maybe she is just a good judge of character. 

I spent the day worrying over what it has done to Matilda, making it up to her.  That is not right is it?  I shouldn't have to do that.  Richard and Mum both think I should give up, but surely Matilda also needs to know that sometimes she may have to go to other places and that I always come back.   Maybe I'm just kidding myself.  Maybe I'm being selfish.