"I did a poo"

Are these Tilly's first words?

I've spent a long time umming and ahhing about giving Tilly some food. I was given a pot of HiPP's first tastes apple puree. I thought we'd gve it a shot. I decided to film the moment too just in case she pulled any really cute faces. She seemed to like the apple (through some strange faces), but kept opening her mouth for more so I guess she liked it. It was messy and sticky but quite fun. During feeding, she did a trump, and then a poo which you can hear and then when I asked her what she did she gurgles 'did a poo'. I honestly thought that it was just in my imagination but sure enough I've watched it back and it sounds just right.



I couldn't wait for Richard to come home to show him and then as soon as he thought she said it too, I sent it around the family. I've also submitted it to You've Been Framed and Richard & Judy's pick of the home movie slots.

Matilda has never talked so much. She has been jabbering away all day since tasting that apple. I think I'm going to like weaning, it is lovely to hear her chattering.

White hair!

Oh my goodness. It is now clearer than ever that Tilly is taking her toll on me. I know I'm exhausted, I can feel my body ache. I am bigger than before, my tits are already sagging (even when they are full of milk) and now to top it off I've got white hairs. This morning I've found five white hairs. FIVE. They all seemed to be my natural colour at the bottom so you can almost see the point at which I had her they turned white! It is like a natural timeline displayed in my hair. I know they say you shouldn't pull them out but I had to.

Interesting facts about me

Today I have spent most of the time faffing about on facebook, watching crappy films on YouTube and doing stupid quizzes. This is what I've learnt about myself.

In the 'Which British Comedy Character are you?' quiz, I am apparently Sybil Fawlty
Cool, calm & collected. You always have the upper hand & have a knack for getting others riled up without disturbing a hair on your perfectly coifed head! Known as the town gossip!


In the 'How creative are you quiz?', I am the creative soul.
You are very creative and people around you might think that you are to wierd for them. They don't understand. Stick to your own kind that appriciate your methods of thinking. The world would be nothing without people like you and their creativity. Don't be obsessive though. It might strike back at you in the long run.

And last but certainly not least, in the 'Which celebrity couple are you most like?' quiz, we are Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
You are Tom and Katie. You prefer to keep you and your family away from the paparazzi. Your big family people and are always putting them first. Although you have a succesful career you always have time for the most important things in your life.



Meanwhile, I notice that my peers have been voting for me and my rankings have changed. Ooh er.

Siobhán's peers have voted her

Most powerful
Most creative
Person with the best profile picture
Hardest worker
#2 most trustworthy
#2 most helpful
#2 person with the best smile
#2 nicest
#2 happiest
#3 most likely to succeed

So there you are. Apparently my social rankings have changed and I now have the answers to all the questions that I never knew I wanted to know before today. Phew. Life can now go on, safe in the knowledge that I am one half of the Cruises and a little like Sybil. I think the latter explains a lot.

Chafing cream

Is there really is a need for 'chafing' cream? there is an advert on the T.V at the moment with balloons personified and then they pop into people, the man dances a little like Omid Djalili. Perhaps if I eat all the chocolate in the cupboard I'll find out.

Ad-Venture

For my birthday Richard bought me a voucher for us all to go to Venture to have our photograph taken. I say it was my birthday present but I think it was secretly a present for him. He totally hit it off with the photographer and as I struggled to keep Tilly awake Richard talked photos, kit, composition, flickr and much more.

The instructions were to wear brightly coloured clothes and bring as many props and changes of clothes for Tilly. So we went with a huge M&S bag full of stuff. Tilly had woken up at the wrong time and I knew she’d clash with the end of the photoshoot.

It started off very well, Tilly was all smiles to the receptionist and the photographer when we met her in the foyer. However, as we walked through the door into the room it was a little dark and she didn’t seem so sure. We reassured her and she was smiley for 10 minutes. I knew we’d done some nice shots but I also know the one I wanted. Richard has taken so many lovely ones of Tilly and me and the two of us together but we don’t have many of the three of us and that is what I am after. I’ve seen the photo I want to recreate: baby in the middle, parents kissing each cheek.

We got Tilly changed into her Tigger outfit, she looked lovely but it didn't last, she was tired and she'd had enough. She did really well, we did about 20 minutes or so of photos and 10 minutes of changing/trying to feed. We called it a day. I hope we've got some good shots. We didn't do the one I wanted but I'm sure there'll be some in there that I'll love.

After we left Venture, Tilly was crying, a lot. I eventually got her off to sleep and we did a quick bit of shopping and then home. When we got home Tilly started screaming, not just ordinary screaming but really loud and it sounded like she was in pain. It went on for over 40 minutes. I panicked. What had made her like this? Where was it hurting? I phoned NHS direct and after asking us some really scary questions, they did what they always do and told us to get an appointment at the doctors today. Meanwhile get her to take some Calpol as they could hear her in the background. Richard phoned the doctors and I gave Tilly the Calpol. The Calpol kicked in within 15 minutes and she was back to normal, smiling and very alert. We kept the appointment at the doctors, she was fine when we went in - typical! After much prodding and poking she was screaming again. The doctor said it could be colic (if you believe such a thing) and to give her Calpol and Ibuprofen. This doctor was funny, he has four children and just said, drugs work, use them when you have to, use them all!

She has been fine this evening. Thank goodness.

A bridge too far

Last night was horrendous. I'm exhausted from Tilly's night feeding but she has always fed well in the night and then gone back down to sleep. My anxiety about getting her to sleep by herself has been high recently and I've tried the crying it out routine for the last two days. The result? it has left Tilly scared and now she won't down down at all. I've felt like a complete bitch over the last two days and I've been in tears trying to do it. The books says I must persevere or I'll give her the wrong associations; that enough crying gets her picked up. I felt like I was getting on top of it. But last night as I tried to put her down after her first night feed, she cried. I am so cross at myself. Why did I have to go mucking about with things? She was doing OK at night, but my desperation to get her right for nursery has made me do something that has taken me back 10 steps. She just wanted to be held, almost scared of going down in her cot. I was too tired to cope and broke down. I walked away leaving Richard to cope with her tears. He got cross as I just left her, but I needed to. It sounds awful and I'm really ashamed to admit it but I see why people reach breaking point with their babies and shake them. I could feel anger and frustration building up and unless I left her I was petrified of the feelings I was having and that I may hurt her. Of course I know I wouldn't but the realisation of the thought in my mind scared me.

I went off to the bathroom and sat there crying, howling in fact. A combination of anger and desperation and with it mixed in, the fear of having thought such bad things. I am really a most horrible unfit mother. How could I think such a thing? I love her to pieces and never want anything bad to happen to her. However, I'm so tired. She wakes on average four times a night for a quick feed or a cuddle back to sleep, she is lovely but exhausting during the day. I used to love my sleep, I used to sleep a lot. Now I'm lucky if I have 3 hours unbroken sleep. Richard never wakes to help in the night, not his fault at all - I breastfeed, it is the burden I have chosen to take. Therefore he can't help with feeding, but sometimes she justs wakes and wants to be cuddled back to sleep, he could do that. But he works, he is also awful when he is tired so I let him sleep. That in itself makes me angry, I'm not cross at him, I'm jealous - I want to sleep. I just want a bit of time off. This motherhood thing is relentless.

A new dawn and a new adventure. We were off to Ironbridge as Richard had got the day off work. I was very embarrassed as we were packing the car, Cheryl (from next door) came up to tell me she heard me in the bathroom last night. Great, I told Richard how I felt, how I felt like I wanted to hurt her - she must think I'm a terrible mother too. So I just put a brave face on and told her it was a bad night, desperately hoping it was too muffled and she didn't hear. I would never hurt my baby, I love her. I'm just tired.

So we went off to Ironbridge and it rained a lot. Tilly was fascinated by my food. We had a nice day out.

I'm going to stop forcing routines on her, they are not doing either of us any good.

Big baby, little baby

We went to see Heather and Brad and baby Maximus today. He looks so tiny. Tilly was huge compared to him.

I've not got on very well trying to do Gina Ford's strict routine. It amazes me that Heather has stuck to it so far! Gina Ford is too strict for me, I questioned her methods and broke all the rules. How can Heather do it? It must be Brad's influence to make her follow it. They feed Max and then put him down to sleep in his pram, they don't hold him or rock him. Blimey - why wasn't I tougher? I've got a baby that needs to be held and rocked to go to sleep.

Mum's birthday meal weekend Part 2

OK, so yesterday was bad enough. Today was a new day and Tilly slept really well last night. She slept from 7pm - 7am with 3 quick feeds. When she woke up she was all smiles. I quickly texted mum to get her to get herself over to the campsite pronto. I really wanted her to spend time with her today, especially if she was being lovely.

W Mum and Prue arrived and it was lovely as they had a bit of time with Tilly, who was finally the baby I've been looking after recently, smiling and babbling.

Wig Wam - Weeeeeeee

The campsite was a little chavvy but the Wig Wam was ace. In effect it was a wooden shed. It had a pitched roof down to the floor and there was barely enough room to stand upright in the middle. We made up the mattress at the far end and there was plenty of space for Tilly's pram at the end. There was a small preparation area, a microwave, a kettle and even a TV. After food, I collapsed on the mattress and watched T.V. Tilly had fallen asleep, probably exhausted after all that crying. Richard and I lay there very relaxed - finally.

Suddenly there was an object coming through the window above me, accompanied by a strange loud high pitched wailing noise. I just flopped on my back stunned, my arms up like I was being taken hostage. Meanwhile, beside me Richard squealed like a girl, his arms flapping, bashing this UFO and was quickly up on his feet (after them flapping a bit too). It was a hot evening on the campsite and some kids had decided to blow up some whistling balloons and shove an untied one through our window. I completely collapsed laughing at Richard's reaction, who was still shaking and was livid. He went straight to the door and shouted at the boys, telling them we had a small baby sleeping. Tilly slept through it all, amazing as the balloon was loud but Richard's squeal was far louder!