Another trip to the Tile Hill Breastfeeding Cafe, this time Katherine came with James. She seemed to have been walked there and back by Ed, perhaps this is due to having a Cesarean but she said she'd not been out much. Last week she phoned me I think to give me support as Richard must've told Ed I was struggling with breastfeeding. I wanted someone to sympathise with me, someone to say there are some wonderful times but that it isn't all easy. It seemed she was having a lovely time and all was hunky dory.
We were talking to the peer mentor at the cafe she asked how it was going and finally I can say OK, I think I'm almost there. She asked Katherine the same question, she replied and said it was going really well, and then as a casual aside "oh but I'm only feeding him from my right breast" - WHAT?? That is not fine, that is not hunky dory, you're obviously not doing OK so why make it seem like you are? I could have screamed - I've been down all week as I thought I was the only one struggling, I was honest with my troubles. I felt like a failure all last week. Perhaps she isn't bothered, perhaps she doesn't think it is anything to worry about. Perhaps I worry too much. One thing is for sure I wouldn't want that, surely you'd be all lopsided. The peer mentor seemed as shocked as I did and calmly told her to re-start feeding from the other breast. Perhaps I'm too honest and people don't like it but come on, I think I'd have mentioned that before. I want to find someone who is as honest and open as I am about this whole motherhood thing. I need someone to talk to.
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