Shyness

I'm sitting in a cafe drinking a latte and worrying about Matilda's future.

Tilly is shy. She takes after both of us, shy at first but once familiar is a bossy and confident little Miss. Over the last 3 years I've tried to encourage her, make allowances for her shy and sometimes bordering rude behaviour. I don't like to say 'you're shy' as that almost gives her permission to never grow out of it. I remember being shy and hiding behind mum's skirt, her making a fuss and it usually ending up with her smacking me for not saying hello which always ended in more tears. I try not to do that, I try to wisper or mouth that she is shy to newcomers and tell them to just ignore. When ignored, she comes out of her shell far far quicker. When anyone makes a fuss she nears a meltdown.

Today is rainy and wet. In an effort to do something good, we've driven for 30 minutes to come to a garden centre with free soft play. I reminded Tilly before we came she'd have to go in by herself, 'Yup. I'm going to make friends'.

There were 3 children when we arrived, so we ate dinner and watched through the window. After food she seemed interested but slightly reluctant, but she took off her shoes and walked in. I looked for her, I couldn't see her, she was sitting on one of the parent chairs just watching. I left her for a bit.
After a while I popped my head around to encourage her to play. She decided to come out. I played the whole 'if you don't play we'll have to go home' card. It backfired as she agreed. We came back out and sat down.

A few children left leaving 2 sisters and their mum. Tilly slowly walked into the corner, she started to play and I finally relaxed. I watched the older sister approach her and as she spoke Tilly froze and slowly curled up into a ball. I watched, not surprised but my heart breaking as I looked at my child being *so* disfunctional. As well as feeling great sadness, I felt disappointed and almost angry at her for being like this. I could totally understand why my mum got so cross when I was little. It is silly behaviour, she has no need to be like this. I was determined not to intervene so she doesn't get attention from being shy. The mother of the sisters looked at me, I looked away. A few minutes later Tilly was still in a ball in the corner, her hoody over her head, knees tucked in tightly. The mother came out to kindly point out what she was doing, like I hadn't noticed! I said she is shy and must've looked heartless as I carried on sitting outside the glass and even going to get myself another coffee. But I wanted to ignore the behaviour and praise when she came out of it.

As I sat looking through the window at her curled up in a ball I became increasingly upset and I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes. What kind of parent creates a child like this? I don't want her to be as shy as me, as I was....as I am. What have I done to make her like this? How can I change her behaviour?

As I watched her, all I could see was a disturbed little girl. Other parents were looking at each other then looking at me. If I was them, I'd be worried too.

After 10 long minutes, she slowly crawled her way across the soft play to the door, not lifting her head to show her face (still covered by her hoody). She came out and we had a chat. Scroll forward 5 minutes and she was in again, this time a totally different child, swinging, sliding, giggling and even making friends.

Jeeze.
This parenthood shit is tough.

Tilly smells a smell

*sniffs* someone's done a poo poo.
Wasn't me.
Was it Jemima?
Mummy?
Daddy?
* she nods*
yup, must be Daddy, he is the smelliest

Starting phonics

Tilly has been doing really well completing her phonics work book. But there is a small problem with some of the pictures/clues. Circle two things beginning with a, b, c, & d. Pictures of apples, cars, dogs are all great but age 3, the astronaut was a step too far.. when I asked her what it was, she said Spaceman. No wonder she was having difficulty finding the other picture starting with A.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSy_Ep7WV9k

Ogres

"That ogre next to me just bit me on my leg and my bum bum"

Tilly's best friend

I WANT TO GO UPSTAIRS WITH DADDY BECAUSE HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.

Free hugs

*what is that for?* I'M JUST GIVING YOU A CUDDLE DADDY BECAUSE YOU MISSED ME WHEN YOU WENT TO WORK.

naming your private parts....

T: Ady still has his winky.
Me: I'm glad, what do you have instead, what do you call it?
T: Urm..., I'm going to call it Jemima.
Me: Er, no.

Blue eyed babies come from Jupiter . . .

me; It looks like J has blue eyes . . . where did this blue eyed baby come from?
T: She's thinking she's from Jupiter.

Dancer Rina flowers

*on seeing some fuschias out of the car* DADDY, I LIKE THOSE DANCER RINA FLOWERS.

Tilly's muff

*putting her Smurf toy on the door handle* I'M JUST STICKING MY MUFF ON THERE!

More wheels . .

CAN WE GO TO MORE WHEELS TODAY DADDY? where? MORE WHEELS! errr. WITH THE SLIDES AND SAND! oh

Trying to wee

*daddy trying to make her have a wee before bed* I CAN'T DADDY, THERE IS NOTHING IN MY BOTTOM

Trying to wee

*daddy trying to make her have a wee before bed* I CAN'T DADDY, THERE IS NOTHING IN MY BOTTOM

A little bit good

*looking at Jemima* SHE'S REALLY REALLY A LITTLE BIT GOOD ISN'T SHE?

*the next sound is @ShivHarrison's heart melting*

Put up your hands and scream that you're ready...

It is 5:24 and I'm sitting on a hospital bed waiting for something to start happening.
At only just 36 weeks, my morning started with what felt like a dull period pain, an hour later and I was having a lot of discharge. It was getting silly, having to make several trips to the loo before I left for work. As I walked to work, there was more and I felt wet and uncomfortable. It wasn't what I was expecting. I still had to do 2 weeks at work and with Tilly my waters had to be broken for me.

Got to work on strike day, had to walk past the picket which felt awful as I agree in principal with all they are striking for but with a baby (literally on the way), a roof that needs replacing and a car that needs servicing we need the money. Still, it was a friendly picket. I went out to make the call to the hosp on the balcony and sure enough they wanted me to come in. As I walked back into the empty newsroom, Duncan and Jeremy looked pleased to see me, I guess 'cause there was no bugger in so I offered to fill the gap. However this was soon shortlived as I said I had to go to hospital. I didn't tell them why, difficult telling your two male managers that I was wet. To them I suppose it looked like a pretty desperate attempt to get out of the strike/work! Serves me right really, I've joked too often about it starting at work. With Richard on the way, I managed to finish my cue off for the story the next day and sign off.

I continued to leak when we got to hospital but then I thought that they'd say 'don't be daft, just discharge' and send me home. I was quite scared when they said that my waters had gone as it all became real. This baby wants out. It is too early, I never really considered having a baby this early. At 36 weeks it will still be considered as premature, it may have problems breathing and I'm terrified it'll be tiny. I feel like I've failed, like I've done something wrong. Have I harmed my baby somehow? With my waters gone, there is no chance I can stretch it out to full term, I've been admitted and been told it'll be 24 - 48hours. Well, I'm not far of 24 now.

We've had good care so far. But I've been told they will induce me in a few hours to reduce the risk of infection to the baby. I really don't want to be induced but after a chat with the doctor we've decided to go ahead with it. The main thing is for me and the baby to be safe and well and I suppose this is the best for baby. I've had a few tears and I'm bloody scared. I stupidly asked for people's experience of induction via twitter and that didn't help, horror stories ahoy. Thank goodness for Helen who has resurrected #singanadvert to cheer me up, which it certainly has.

Being away from Tilly is really hard. She was in a gorgeous mood when I kissed her yesterday morning as she left for nursery. But the suddenness of it all means I've not seen her since and been able to explain what is happening. I'm terrified that something will happen to me and I'll not be able to tell her how much I love her. I'd not got around to doing some more bedtime stories for her either. And it sounds really morbid but I've not written my will. I know Tilly will have been delighted by the adventure of being picked up by Donna and going to Niamh's yesterday evening and even moreso by the arrival of Gran and Grampa. So I suppose at least I should be pleased that she is probably having a lot of fun. I tried to talk to her on the phone last night before she went to bed but I was fighting back tears and as I write I'm crying again.
I just want all 4 of us to be home, safe and well.

names

Daisy Phoebe Harrison DPH
Daisy Jemima Harrison DJH
Jemima Daisy Harrison JDH
Phoebe Daisy Harrison PDH

Matilda & Daisy
Matilda & Jemima
Matilda & Phoebe

Beatrice
chloe
Esme
Faith
Felicity
Florence
Freya
Imogen
Ivy
Josephine
Keira
Kitty
Lily
Lola
Meave
Megan
Molly
Nancy
Polly
Philippa
Olivia
Rosemary
Sadie
Tabitha

Jasmine
Evie
Daisy
Phoebe
Charlotte
Sophia
Holly
Jemima
Jessica
Lily
Millie
Mia
Molly
Nuala
Pepper
Polly
Rosie
Scarlett

Gnocchi or . . .bird poo?

*hands up who wants gnocchi for tea?* NO! I WANT...BIRD POO

Brave Shoomi

(singing)
SHOOMI SHOOMI WE LIKE YOU,
WE WANT TO KEEP YOU,
BUT WE CAN,
SHOOMI SHOOMI,
WHEN WE WENT ON HOLIDAY YOU WERE BRAVE

Do raisins wear helmets?

(looking at the picture on her box of raisins this morning)
DADDY. RAISINS DON'T WEAR HELMETS DO THEY? *not usually darling no*

Cuddles and kisses

10 mins after putting her to bed.. T *shouting*: I. WANT. LOTS. OF. KISSES AND CUDDLES!

Is mummy going to pop?

T: "look at your big tummy...it's all the way up to your face ...you're going to pop."

It is reddy red

After describing some Playdoh as bluey-green. THIS ONE ISN'T BLUEY-GREEN THIS ONE IS REDDY RED...can't fault her.

Ponky v.s Flowerpetal

*what's your baby called Tilly?* PONKY! *pick a nice name* PONKY! - after a few more attempts FLOWERPETAL! phew...

Prime minister

T:Mummy, the baby has hurt her head.
M: are you going to kiss her better?
T. No, the Prime Minister is *mumbles more about the PM* ?!

Scrubbling

"I'm struggling darling"
I SCRUBBLE DADDY
"do you?"
YES I SCRUBBLE ON THE PAPER!

The P in Matilda

*writing* I'VE PUT A p IN MY NAME "But you don't have a p in your name" NO BUT I'VE PUT ONE IN

Does Daddy have a winky?

T:Daddy do you need a wee wee?
R: Yes.
T:I'm going to come with you. ... do you have a winky?

waiting in the queue

I NEED A WEE *I am on the toilet* I WILL WAIT IN THE QUEUE......I CAN SMELL A SMELL DADDY

A mod in the making?

YOU DON'T LIKE FOOTBALL DO YOU DADDY? YOU ONLY LIKE RACING CARS. *yes that's right, do you like racing cars?* NO I LIKE MY SCOOTER!

Jigsaller

I'M PUTTING THE PIECE IN DADDY COZ I'M A GOOD JIGSALLER

Snotty face

*you've got a very dirty face* THAT'S BECAUSE I HAVE SNOT NOW

The world is very lovely

Undoing the zipped up door of the tent *what are you doing?* I WANT TO SEE THE WORLD DADDY... 1 minute later ... THE WORLD IS VERY LOVELY

Sweetie

*come on sweetie* I AM NOT A SWEETIE DADDY...I'M A LITTLE GIRL (it kind of makes her even more of a sweetie!)

Puting

What are you going to do when you go to work? *I'M GOING TO STAY AT HOME ON THE PUTER* What will you do? *PUTE*

Democracy via boating

Mummy: We've got to go and vote later.
Tilly: ooh, I want to go on a boat!

Talk to the bump

*pressing her face into Mummy's tummy* HELLO ARE YOU A BOY OR A GIRL? «pause» MUMMY WHAT DID IT SAY?

Phoning Dee Dee

I'm on the phone to Dee Dee

Lessons for the baby

*are you going to teach the baby to do lots of things?*
YES TO PLAY AND TO NOT TOUCH MY TOOTHBRUSH

Shoomi

*coming down the stairs to find Shoomicat waiting at the bottom*
SHOOMI WE ARE COMING DOWN TO BEAT YOU!
*what HAVE we taught her?*

Fat Bosoms

MUMMY YOUR BOSOMS ARE FAT NOW. I WILL CUDDLE THE BABY. what should we call the baby? BABY DE MINI SWEETIE.

Poor Shoomi

Tilly: "Mum, Shoomi doesn't like me anymore, she's cross"
why?
"'Cause I took my bogies out."
Where did you put them?
"On Shoomi's fur"
hmmm

Rock a Bye Baby

*singing from the other room*
ROCK A BYE BABY WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS THE CAT WILL CRY

Fashion conscious already

ARE YOU GETTING CHANGED DADDY? OUT OF YOUR STINKY...OH I LIKE YOUR PANTS!

You're not scared

Watching Stuart Little 2 with Tilly I asked "can I hold your hand?"
NO DADDY YOU ARE NOT SCARED!

Tilly made a joke

*today I made a joke, Mummy asked if I wanted ice cream* EEEEEEEKKKK! I SCREAMED!

Leaving home already

*T packs handbag with snacks, pens then turns and says*
"I'm going now Mum"
where?
"Going round to Niamh's...don't worry mum you'll be OK"

Rellies

Walking past Uncle Simon's house...SIMON IS IS IS...MUMMY'S BIG SISTER! Out of the mouths of babes

Mummy puts on Marge voice

T "I don't want my dinner.... Daddy gives me lollies all the time"
*Mummy puts on Marge voice* "mmmmmmm"

Daddy will be so pleased

T "Daddy will be soooo happy"
why?
"'Cause we're messing around"

The Sun is lazy

WHERE'S THE SUN? It's not awake yet THE SUN IS LIKE SHOOMI, LAZY SUN

Daddy looks sad

*looking at Daddy in the garden mending the fence* "Muuuuum, Daddy looks sad"

oi, naughty tits!

*watching birds at the peanuts in the garden* OY! NAUGHTY TITS!

hide and obvious seek

YOU COUNT, I'M GOING TO HIDE *are you going to hide under the stairs?* YEP

Green wee

I DON'T WANT YELLOW WEE
*what colour do you want?*
I WANT...ERR...GREEN WEE!

Shoomi wants to watch Charlie and Lola

T: I want to watch a Charlie Lola.
ME: No.
T: yes.
ME: No.
T: Muuuum, Shoomi wants to watch a Charlie & Lola, look at her eyes.....see?