Shoomi purring?

Have you trumped? NO! IT WAS SHOOMI PURRING.

Shoomi goes to school

I WANT TO TAKE SHOOMI TO SCHOOL TO SHOW HER MY SCHOOL

Why is the world so cruel? I realise just how special Tilly is.

I've just phoned Marie Claire to catch up and find out how her pregnancy was going. OOOf. She got told at her 20 week scan that there was an abnormality and after a series of scans and tests she has been told that her baby may not survive. The baby is a fighter and has continued to grow but the risk still stays and they've been warned that it will have serious developmental problems. I can't believe how well she seemed to cope with it, so brave. It must be awful to go through that. It has totally put all my moans and groans into perspective. My heart goes out to Marie Claire and Akira for the next few weeks, months and years. I cannot imagine how they are feeling. Having a baby brings such joy and happiness and all you wish for is for it to be safe and well. To have to go through with the rest of the pregnancy knowing that it may not even survive let alone be healthy must be heart-wrenching.

I feel shit too. I've not spoken to her in a while and there I was phoning her up all bubbly and excited and she had to break the news to me. I must do more, be in contact with more friends more regularly. I feel rubbish I've not been there for her, not that there is much that I can do but listen. It is hard too, she asked me about my birth and of course hers will be so different anyway with all the added anxieties. She asked about Tilly and I felt almost embarrassed to say she was well.

Every day when I look at Tilly, my heart aches with love and care for her. I get emotional at the end of every night when I kiss her goodnight and tell her I love her and she snuggles down and says she loves me back. I love her understanding, her humour and even her delicate sensitivities when watching Disney films. I love her shouting 'Mumma, where you are?' every time I leave the room. I love her 'finger thing' that only she and I can do, to bend our fingers back and make little goggles the wrong way around to everyone else. I love her snuggles and the smell of her hair, her beautifully formed teeth, her smile and the little wrinkles that appear on the top of her nose. I love her sense of style, the fact that even at the age of 2 1/2 she can colour coordinate her clothes and somehow can make herself even more fashionable that what I'd chosen for her. I love how she likes listening to songs but still can't get the words in the right order and says they are too easy for her (but meaning hard). I love baking with her, the way she knows all the ingredients and waits patiently until the end before asking 'Can I lick it now?' I just love her.
She really is my everything and I will do everything I can to make sure she is OK. I know that I am lucky to have her and tonight has just made that doubly so. We are so lucky to not only have a child but to have a healthy, happy one.

My love and best wishes goes to Marie Claire, Akira and their families for what they will have to cope with in the future.

Palpitations

I've been getting so stressed with work. This trip to Dresden is so exciting but as it has been on the cards for so long it has also meant that the anxieties have had plenty of time to build up. Anxieties for the project itself but more importantly leaving Tilly and Richard. I know they'll be fine really but I can't help but worry. I get her up and ready in the mornings until Richard is ready to go and when I come home, I get her bathed, dressed and into bed with stories. In the night, if she wakes I am straight there. Yesterday morning I went downstairs to watch the Chilean miners being rescued, so when she woke up and trundled into our room I wasn't there. She started almost screaming, Richard went up and she cried and wouldn't stop until I was there to give her a cuddle. It is this change of routine that I'm worried about. I want to be there. Not to mention Richard being so stressed with work, I know he doesn't really want me to go away and leave him to cope on his own. With all this and the pressure of organising the trip (in German), not having a translator, hotels, cars or money sorted then I have been more than a little stressed. On Tuesday I was having pains across my chest, twinges and feeling short of breath. Today I booked an appointment with the Dr to rule anything more sinister than panic attacks out, thank goodness I'm OK. I wish I'd done it a lot sooner. I've been worrying about going away, leaving Tilly, flying for a while, it all came to a head yesterday when I got into work, Ness came to talk to me and I broke down.

I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to me or Richard. I love Tilly so much and I just want to see her grow up. I want to be there for her just like my mum has always been there for me. I can't express how much I feel this. Since she was born I've had sleepless nights worrying about her future. Will she be healthy? Will she be happy? Will we see her grow up with possibly children of her own? It almost brings me to tears every time and sometimes even does too. Anyway, that is enough of my paranoia and anxieties. I'm fine to go to Dresden and I won't half hug her tight when I come back.

P.S. I've made Tilly a CD with me reading her eight favourite bedtime stories, so even though I won't be here I can still sort of do bedtime.

A day in Brum with Niamhy Noodles

We arranged to meet Donna and Niamh at the station to go on the train into Brum to see Iggle Piggle and Upsy Daisy release some balloons for the start of their tour run.

The lady at the kiosk in the station said how cute Tilly was. She did look very cute, she had her dress (that I made her on), her Charlie and Lola coat and her hair in bunches. Very cute indeed. Always makes me so proud when strangers comment on her good behaviour or cuteness.

We had a fun train journey in, Tilly and Niamh commenting on the way, spotting sheep, cars etc. We stopped just outside the station near a tunnel and it was so funny listening to the girls talk to each other.
T: "TUNNNELLLLL . *looks at Niamh*. . "we going in there"
N: "no we not. It's dark"
T: "we are though"
N: "no, we not"
T: *Shrieks with excitement as she looks at the entrance of the tunnel "OOOH TRAAAAAINNNN"

We got up to the square and there was a very poor turnout and a desperate PR man or promo manager running towards us, pleaing for us to be in the photoshoot. He asked how we found out (through my work) and he said that no papers were coming so he had to do himself. We walked over to the one other mum near the balloons. We watched him accosting other mums with young children. I couldn't help but burst out laughing when one lady, when she was told Igglepiggle was coming out asked if he'd be in costume! I mean honestly. She looked quite respectable, maybe she was having an off day.
It wasn't long before IgglePiggle and Upsy Daisy came out. One mum (the first one there) alarmingly started jumping and screaming like she'd just spotted a boy band. Again, I couldn't help but laugh. The girls were amazed. The balloons were let off and hilariously IgglePiggle's rather large head got caught in the netting. sadly by the time my camera phone loaded they had managed to set him free.
We went up to Igglepiggle and shook his hand, Upsy Daisy beckoned us over and Tilly shook hers too. I was so proud of Tilly not to be too scared. She wouldn't have her picture taken with them though, I think she needed to keep them in sight.

Had a lovely day around Birmingham with the girls and another trip on the train back home. Tilly really does love her best friend Niamhy Noodles.

Lovely Daddy?

Daddy: Am I lovely? Do you love me? NO! Am I not lovely? NO! MUMMYS LOVELY!...*sad Daddy* DON'T BE SAD

Worms push things in the garden

What is that thing we used to push things in the garden? ERRR *giving clue* wh wh it begins with wh....WORM!!!