Have you got the Calpol ready?

"Why didn't you tell me before?" that is what I've been asking everyone all day.

Today was our 8 week check up and Tilly's first set of injections. I thought I was well prepared for them, but I wasn't. We walked down to the doctors and there was a cock up to start with as they'd sent me two appointment times, the first I was given was 10.10am which I was told was for me first and then Tilly's injections straight afterwards. Then I was sent a card in the post confirming Tilly's injections at 9.05am. I rushed to get ready and walked down to the surgery only to be told by the receptionist that I should have ignored the second card (that was sent by the PCT). How was I supposed to know that? So I traipsed back up the steep hill to get back home, have a cup of tea and marched back down the hill for 10.10am.

We saw Rita our health visitor who checked Tilly's weight and head circumference. All was OK. She asked if I had got the Calpol ready. Calpol. No. I didn't think she could even take it yet?

Next was the doctor, I was under the impression she'd check my stitches, she didn't. I don't know whether to be relieved (it's never nice cocking your leg up to show your bits!) or miffed, grim I know but I'd like to know officially that it has healed nicely. Anyway, she popped Tilly on the bed and manhandled her (not roughly) but not as delicately as I or Richard have been moving her about. She pulled her up to a sitting position from lying just using her arms, her head looked so heavy as it was almost levered up by the rest of her body. The doctor says she is a very bright little girl. She may say this to all the mums but I'd like to think she doesn't. Then that question again, have you got a bottle of Calpol at home? Why had they both asked this question??

Next was the nurse for Tilly's first set of injections. The question was asked again, have you got the Calpol ready? Right. This obviously isn't a question, it is more of an instruction. No I haven't got any Calpol but I guess I need to buy some immediately. Why don't they put this stuff down on the appointment card?

When she had her guthrie test, the midwife recommended that I breastfed her so she wouldn't cry so much. It gives her something to concentrate on and is comforting. As it worked so well I thought I'd do it with the injections and I asked the nurse if it was OK. I started to get ready and Tilly looked delighted that she was having another feed. She latched on beautfiully and then her first leg was injected. She screamed, no normal scream but a scream that nearly broke my heart. A scream full of pain and horror. Poor thing, she had no idea what was happening and how could I explain that it was for her own good? I desperately tried to get her to continue breastfeeding. She whimpered and went back on, tears were rolling down her face. I've got a feeling I should have a bottle of Calpol ready.

This was not the end, this was only the first injection, there were two. The other one was in the other leg and I had to turn Tilly over so the nurse could access the other thigh. Taken off the comfort of the breast to move to the other side, Tilly started to scream with short breaks for whimpering and lots of tears streamed down her face. The tears started to well up in my eyes as I could feel her pain and felt helpless to be able to stop it. The other leg was injected and I was sent packing. Not surprisingly I made a beeline straight for the chemists to buy some Calpol.

Putting Tilly back in the pram was agony, I just wanted to hold her and tell her it was OK, but it wasn't. Of course it wasn't, she had just had two big injections in each leg. I made my way across the road, down the row of shops with my own 'musical' pram. We entered the chemists and there was a big queue, it was my worst nightmare. I hate Tilly crying and all I want to do is cope with it in private. I can't stand simpering looks from mothers or disgusted looks wondering why I can't console my baby. I started exclaiming loudly so everyone could hear "she's just had her injections". Why do I need to tell everyone? The girl from our antenatal class (who didn't want it to affect her life) was there with her baby Roxy Lee. Roxy is only 10 days older than Matilda but she is already sitting upright in her pram looking like she's 4 months old. Her mother seemed to know all about Calpol and said that I can alternate between Ibruprofen and Calpol. Blimey 40 minutes ago I didn't know she could take any drugs yet and now I'm getting told I can give her multiple doses. If her daughter needed multiple drugs then surely I am in for a rough ride today. Why didn't anyone tell me sooner? I had to wait in the queue which seemed to be moving really slowly, each step I took Tilly's screams got louder and louder. I started to sweat and was feeling so stressed. Exasperated I got to the front and they knew what I needed.
I got out of the chemists and practically ran up the steep hill, Tilly was screaming louder and louder and I just wanted to be teleported home immediately. As I passed Whoberley Community Centre I saw Michelle from the SureStart team. Matilda is always crying when I see her and here I am walking down the street with her screaming once again. I shouted once more across the road "Injections!" in a manic voice with a forced smile and a shrug of the shoulders. I was rushing home by this point. I'd bearly got my coat off and I was ripping the box open and pouring it out onto the spoon and straight down Tilly's neck. I fed her again, not because she was hungry but because I knew it made her feel safe (and shut her up, she couldn't scream with my breast in her mouth). She feel asleep in my arms, I was going to put her down but she continued to whimper and every so often wail in her sleep. I just cradled her in my arms all afternoon. I felt sad as she was in pain and I never want her to be in pain ever again. it hurts me so much. I felt like a bad mother.

I phoned my mum to tell her she'd had her injections. Before I had the chance to say much more she asked "Did you have the Calpol ready?"
Eh? You knew that already?? Why are you telling me that now? It is too late now? From now on, it is going to be my own personal mission to tell anyone I know about the Calpol before their first set of injections.